Last Chance to See (TV series)

You might remember the book by Douglas Adams Last Chance to See, which was a funny and fantastic book about seeing some endangered species on the brink at the time, in 1989 and a little after.  Well, apparently Douglas had wanted to go back and see how they were doing, but, he died in 2001. 

Well get ready to see some endangered species, because there's a TV documentary made in 2009 starring Douglas Adams close friend, Stephen Fry, with the zoologist Mark Carwardine!  This is Last Chance to See, the TV series.

Time to go camping!  ...wait Stephen hates camping.  Oh dear.

The series is 6 episodes long, and yes, those who read my review will note there's more then 6 animals Douglas visited, but, some were left out for reasons I am unsure of, and one was left out for the reason it's extinct, the Chinese blind river dolphin.

The episodes themselves focus on the Amazonian manatee, the Northern White rhino, the Aye Aye, the Komodo Dragon, the Kakapo, and the Blue Whale.  All but the Blue whale were part of the orginal Radio broadcast series, and the Manatee was left out of the book Douglas wrote.

While I won't spoil the episode, each episode not only focuses on the animal, but also other animals and the people who live there near that animal, as well as issues facing that animals survival.   

While Stephen fry is not as funny as Douglas Adams, he's a charming and clever person himself, so this series is still entertaining.  While it's a little more 'shame on you Westerners' then the book was, it doesn't lean into that heavily, just enough to get the message across.  

Despite at times being dark and gloomy, some times rays of hope show through.  for example, the Kakapo at the time of Douglas Adams visit, were down to double digit numbers, and not big ones.  Now, when Stephen Fry arrives, they're up to triple digits. 

There's other examples of this, but the series was extremely fun to watch, even for my father, who is not a major animal lover like my mother and I.  It was fun, charming, funny, and informative all in only a six hour package. 

The best thing about the series, for me at least, is that Stephen Fry, even if he was lured on for money or other reasons, I got the feeling he started to really enjoy the animals and travel, genuinely.  Mark Carwardine, of course, loved it as well.  

Anyway, I give this a 4.5 stars out of five.  Very well done, extremely good nature documentary.  Would watch again. 

Anyway, see you all later!

Star Wars: The Mandolorian

I have a confession to make. 

I don’t like star wars. 

He WHAT?!

Well, I should say I don’t like the movies. Or anything resembling the movies. Or the creator. And especially not tattoine. So yeah, basically for my entire life I just said I don’t like star wars cause I thought I did. 

Then again, my experiences with star wars, at least anything in depth, was limited to the eight main movies(I never saw the ninth movie in the sequel trilogy), and two videos games, Star wars Jedi Academy(the only experience that left a mostly good taste in my mouth), and Stars Wars the Old Republic, the Massively Multiplayer Online game. 

For anyone who has not played Star Wars the Old republic, it’s set like, ten thousand years before the prequel trilogy. But for some reason the Empire is there with the exact some aesthetic as the middle trilogy, fighting the prequel Jedi republic, with the story writing of the frist two Mass Effect video game teams. And despite that talent, the stories managed to just recycle George Lucas’s ideas. 

And no, I’m still not over The Old Republic stealing writers from the Mass Effect triology, which I blame for why Mass Effect 3 was so terrible.

"He hates Mass Effect 3 too?!"

Look, lynch me later, I have an opinion to put out, and it’s not on The Old Republic or the Mass Effect Series. I’ve heard that KNIGHTS of the Old Republic, was actually extremely different and better then the Old Republic, but honestly star wars has left such a bad taste in my mouth I have yet to try that game. 

The point is, I thought, for decades, that, depending on my mood, Star Wars was either not for me or at worst a overblown nostalgic memory that’s only good qualitiy was that people saw it when they were kids. 

Then I saw the Mandolorian. I first watched it when I was at my brothers house celebrating Christmas, and while food was cooking we just watched the three episodes of it, which were the only ones out at the time. My brother happened to have Disney plus, which my parents did not have. We watched all three back to back, and It was so fucking good. 

Starting with the first episode I was hooked. It follows a Bounty Hunter Mandolorian, a member of a multispecies warrior culture that never remove their helmets in front of anyone. The first 5 or ten minutes shows the nameless main character, we’ll call him Mando, bringing in a bounty target while also killing two men to stop them starting a bar fight. So yeah at first it seems he’s kind of an ass. Then near the end of the episode he…well I won’t spoil it but he’s kind of like Han Solo. He has a heart, it’s not just about the money for him. But he’s not an exact clone of Han solo, which is a rarity for star wars. 

Somehow, the show only gets better as I continue watching this show. There are only eight episodes, and I just finished the fourth one as of this writing, which was the best so far. 

First off, the acting is great. Not only are all performances good, the actor who plays Mando is severely handicapped in that he can’t emote, because he always has a helmet on. Yet, he does a lot with only the tone of his voice and body language, and he in my opinion does a wonderful job. 

The effects, which I thought would be all computer animation, like the main star wars films, are mostly not. And those puppets, costumes, and animatronics? Are amazing. The baby creature puppet is an masterpiece, looking surprisingly life like and emotive. The characters are all interesting and look interesting, and I get the feeling that there are untold back stories and personalities for each of the main ones, and even the minor ones. 

The locations are not just retreads of the main star wars planets! Hell, the first two planets you see are an watery ice world, and a mostly volcanic planet but not in a grand fashion, more of made of mostly molten rock way instead of active volcanoes every where.

 While the writing is good, even great, to me what really stands out in the series is the direction, both in terms of general direction and camera shots. The camera shots are AMAZING. Each director of an episode does an great job, and as I said, it seems to only get better. 

Also the fourth episode did two impossible things, which means we are one third of the way to having breakfast at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. The fourth episode takes place with Mando trying to lay low from the-

Interruption Pancakes!

 -and are now on what they call ‘a real backwater skeg hole’. While to us having anti-gravity hovercraft, droids, and other sci fi tech would not count as ‘backwater’, it is a planet without any spaceport, heavy industry, or really any cities of any kind. The perfect place to hide, as it were, and to my surprise, it’s not Tattoine, the most heavily trafficked backwater planet ever. 

Anyway, Mando has a short, extremely short, almost but not really romance with a woman who seems to be a leader in a small middle of nowhere krill farm. Normally, short romances not given time to show either characters feeling makes me want to vomit and I almost always quickly forget about them. So what the hell happened here where it actually seemed plausibly. I can’t answer positively, but for me it was because neither were in love, just Feelings, or a crush, as it were. And also, Mando was not in love with the woman, but the way of life. I got the feeling he would’ve liked the quiet life. A 5 minute romance that didn’t make me want to stop watching should not be possible. Yet it did. 

The second impossible thing is the AT-ST. Mostly famously known as Chicken Walkers because they walk like fucking chickens. That alone makes them not scary. Combined with the fact that that teddy bears, Ewoks, took them out in the third main trilogy movie, and they are apparently made out of paper Mache, means they’re a joke. If asked, I would say that they are an unsalvagble vehicle to be used in Star Wars. 

So how the fuck did they make a chicken walker, scary. Because I was on the edge of my seat during the scenes with the AT-ST. They made it sound like a challenge to take down. They made it a -threat-. That should not be possible after George Lucas had them being destroyed by logs and teddy bears. 

The Mandolorian made me realize, I don’t hate star wars. I love it. I just don’t like George Lucas’s version or vision of star wars, and the problem, is that many people who want to create in the world of Star Wars, George Lucas’s vision is the only way to do it. So what you get is mostly just the same stuff you’ve already seen twenty times before. This short sightedness is not limited to star wars, it can be seen in many places. Don’t think of someones vision or verison of something as the be all and end all, even if it is currently the best. Think of it as a starting point, for something even better. 

And the Mandolorian is definitely better. I love it. Now let me tell you why George Lucas sucks and why I hate- 

 "Burn this website to the ground!"

-on second thought I’ll just escape this angry mob now.

Martin Mystery Reveiw

Summer.

I hate summer.

Sure, you get alot of freedom, but i don't have enough brainpower to come up with my own activities to entertain myself. and when I'm bored i do some very, very bad stuff to myself.

No, nothing like that. I just start watching cartoons on youtube.
and what did i find this summer, well, Martin Mystery, a TV show produced by Marathon Productions, and was aired from 2003 to 2006, although I have no idea why it aired for so long.

Yeah, i hate this show, and yet i spent three days watching it, and if i had to go through that, I'm giving it a righteous kicking.

Martin Mystery was based off the Italian comic Martin Mystère. I have no idea if the show is a faithful adaption or not, but I don't care either.

The idea behind the show is that a mysterious organization called the Center, which responds to supernatural and extraterrestrial threats. I don't get this idea that to protect people from the supernatural, is to hide it from the public, so that when it attacks, they won't know how to protect themselves!

Anyway, the series focuses on three agents working for the Center. The three of them attend(or work in Javas case) at Torrington Academy.

Java the caveman is what you would expect, a caveman. He serves as comedic relief, via his interactions with modern things, and his Neanderthal ways. No, I have no idea where they got him. There is a episode dedicated to Javas origins, but it claims that he was cloned by an evil paleontologist for the purpose of...of...making the first Starbucks/Geico joke? However, every other episode implies that he was found frozen in ice.

The next agent is Diana Lombard, who is a goody two shoes. Despite the fact she can fight off a possessed agent with ease, in almost every episode, gets captured and needs to be rescued. However, most of these are caused by Martin being a moron.

Ah, Martin, how I loathe thee. This guy is a complete asshole. Lets see, he attempts to make out with any girl who he sees(I'm not kidding), does the worst pranks, like putting bugs in peoples food, tripping people, covering them in slime, and all the while proclaiming himself as the best agent in the world. Oh, and he blames everyone else for his screw-ups. To tell you the truth, i think the devolpers of Final fantasy 8 saw Martin and screamed, "Yes! Yes! This is the annoying character we need! And we shall call him Zell!"

There are two other characters who work for the center, Billy, a small green alien in a hover chair, and M.O.M., the head of the Center. I should mention that whenever Martin enters M.O.M.s office, he destroys a important experiment she's working on, not by accident, but on purpose. Billy stays at the Center, but he acts as the groups scientist, and for someone who has only two of three appearances, he has alot of dialogue. Wait...his name is Billy... and he talks alot... he pops up when they least expect it... Holy crap! it's Billy Mays!

So those are the characters who run around and stop supernatural and alien threats. Might as well as tell you how most episodes play out.

For season one and two, all episodes started with a short scene from the location the team will be in, right before or during the first attack of the villain, and then would show the title in classic B-horror movie style. Yeah, i love the opening. What can I say, I'm a sucker for B-movies.

The episode then shows the team at Torrington, doing something "funny", and then the Center calling, and they enter a portal to get it.

This is the first problem i have with the series. Okay, so the Center can open portals anywhere. Okay, i can buy that. And yet they have multiple bases, and helicopters. If you can teleport your agents anywhere from the world, you only need one base, and why do you need helicopters and jets? Cars and boats, yes, because they'll be needed for chasing and short ranged travel, but the why do you need vehicles to transport supplies to the Center? You can just open a portal near it and push.

Anyway, the team investigates the area, they consult the poke-, i mean, legend-dex, learn what creature there fighting(despite the fact they should have researched what legends and myths are in the area before hand), Diana gets captured, Martin comes up with a plan which some how works, the Center comes and takes the monster away, and boom, end of episode.

The third season was shark jumping time. The Center was almost never mentioned or seen, and Martian suddenly turned his dorm into a crime lab, and Torrington turned into supernatural central. Billy was given a human form, and he turned from a ok character into a incredible overused comedy relief, basically replacing Java.

Now for something that really annoys me: nothing dies. I'm serious, only in the second season do monsters die, and even then, they just dissolve, and it's implied that they could get better. How someone gets better from death, I have no idea.

Lets look at the Center, and what they do. And how much they suck at it.

The Center is supposed to capture creatures, and usually rehabilitate them, considering some are sentient or protecting their territory, and in the first season, they throw that away by showing the monsters the Center have captured in cages that just barely give them enough room to tun around. Two monsters are supposed to be trapped in a book and a box, but in one episode, there shown in a cell. Which one breaks out of. Oh yeah, the only employees shown in the Center are field agents and...people typing on computers. No guards, no one with a gun, and no one actually watching the monster cells. Guess it's no surprise that there's so many escapees.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Martin, Diana, and Java? There the Centers top agents. Yeah, a person who costs the Center millions every time he walks into M.O.M.s office, a girl who keeps on getting captured, and...well, the comedic relief.

As if this wasn't bad enough, instead of giving their agents, you know, guns, they give them watches. well, they call them U-Watches, but come on! The U-watch stores objects digitally, including a laser knife, the legend-dex, a force field generator, and a Scanner. I fail to see why the Center couldn't have given them the devices instead of the U-watch, i mean, what, pockets don't exist in Canada? Oh, right. They needed a toy to sell.

Yeah, the Center contradicts itself constantly. And if that wasn't bad enough, they treat us like we're morons, quite often telling us what the characters are doing while we can plainly see them doing it. And...the "science" behind the monsters.

First, lets talk about the monster design. It's hit and miss, mostly miss. The first episode features the boogieman, and the picture on his book looked really cool, a tall, menacing creature who was made of shadows. and what did we get? A tree monster that liked to monologue, and turned it's body into a tube of maggots, leaving it's head so it can fly. The Djini had this really squeaky female voice, and looked like a black rat that was surrounded by green smoke. they also defeat these monsters in stupid ways. the boogieman trys to tackle them, and Diana holds up the book and he falls in. The Djini forces Martin to make a wish, and his wish is that he could capture the Djini. Some were okay, like the scarecrow, who didn't look menacing, but he didn't look stupid either.

My favorite monster is also my favorite method of defeating it, The Sandman. The Center sends Martin and his team to investigate a university where people are in a coma like state. They find out that the monster behind the comas is the Sandman, a villain who forever sends people to sleep and feeds off their fears. Okay, he was kinda lame, but in the context of the series, he was badass. He was the only monster who talked that had a good voice actor. It was deep, and kinda threatening. They go into the Sandmans world to get his victims out, and when he trys to follow them when they escape through a portal, they close it on him. This is a surprisingly good idea coming from this show, putting the sandman in purgatory. This is ruined by the fact that the Sandmans arm is still alive and flailing around the room.

The "science" behind the monsters can be downright insulting. In one episode, a bacteria that devours oxygen is released in the amazon, and near the end, a giant octopus bursts out of the ground, and apparently this is the bacteria, which mutated. Yeah, bacteria and viruses do change faster then normal animals because of there ability to swap genetic code, but a giant monster? No, just...no.
This isn't even the most idiotic one. One monster, which is a giant tribble with tentacles, injects liquid nitrogen into people, which puts them into a state of suspended animation. liquid nitrogen doesn't do that, it kills people. But the worst explanation is this: Java gets his DNA manipulated to be a super caveman, and is mind controlled by...shining a laser in his eyes. Martin reverses it by shining a laser in his eyes again, but here's the best part: this reverses the genetic manipulation and makes so it can never happen again.

Almost forgot, the animation. As you can see from the pictures, this has a anime style to it, and I personally dislike it, but what i really hate about it is the change between normal style to chibi style. Whenever a charchther is doing something that is meant to be cute, or Diana and Martin fight, they turn into chibis. I...don't know. but, I want the style to remain constant.

Basically, this show sucks. If this was for kids in elementary school, then I would say this is a ok show, but this is meant for middle schoolers or high schoolers. A good show would be entertaining to both adults and kids, but noooo, kids are too stupid to know the difference between reality and TV. Look people, i was playing Doom when I was five, and grew up watching johnny quest, where people were shot on screen, and I only murder two people a year.