How to slay a Dragon: A Fantasy's Hero's guide to the real middle ages

I saw this book in the Gaming section of a Barnes and Noble, no idea why it would be there.  It has nothing to do with games.  But I was hooked by the premise of the back of the book telling me this was how real world medieval people would deal with fantastical beyond real life things.  This is How to slay a Dragon, by Cait Stevenson.

Who doesn't like dragons?  aside from the knight being roasted on the cover.

So this book is basically a history book in disguise, but viewed through the lens of the tropes of sword and magic fantasy.  How to trick the genie, how to tame the dragon, how to rescue the princess, etc, etc.  That's not me just saying this, the author herself in the intro says as much, that this is a history book in disguise.  But it's a very good, entertaining history book.  

The book is separated into different sections not by time period but by trope of fantasy stories, further separated by how far into 'the heros journey' the hero is.  How to prepare for the journey, hazards on the way, reaping the rewards, etc etc.  The subjects range from How to deal with the bard, how to win a barfight, how to slay the dragon, and how to traverse the cursed swamp.  

However not all titles are indicative of what is in the chapter, like the cursed swamp one was about medieval plumbing for example.  But, the books overall is a very good read and tells very exciting and wonderful facts about medieval history. 

My only two complaints are that without a proper timeline anywhere in the book, I had no idea what time period each event took place in, since it hopped around a bit.  The other is equally minor, the book spends a bit of time insulting the reader.  Which, might be funny but I've been bullied enough both by others and myself that I don't find it so.  

Anyway, I give this book 4 our of 5 stars, which is a damn good score for something that cost me only 15 bucks, or maybe 20.  It was quite awhile ago I read this book, hence the short review.

Anyway, the reason why my review stopped is due to a mental break down in February that I have since recovered from, but depression/anxiety/laziness stopped me from resuming reviews.  Hopefully this will resume them.

See you all, next time.

Ori and the Blind Forest

This was finished awhile ago, I have quite a back log of reviews that need to be posted.  I might start posting twice a month.  Without further ado, the review,

Holy shit this game is BRUTAL.  I mean dear god.  I'm sure you're thinking, what game could it possibly be for me to call it brutal?  I'll tell you what, it's Ori and the goddamn Blind Forest.

Stop looking so innocent, cover art!

Make no mistake, the cute, amazing, beautiful and almost dream like graphics and art is a ruse.  A con to lure you into the world, to care about the characters and story.  

The music was arranged by an evil genius, able to elicit any emotion from your mind, but instead brings about soul crushing sadness and makes you weep.

The animation, gorgeous, the soundtrack, amazing, the art, stellar.  But make no mistake, this game should be rated M, for mental breakdown.

It's not the gameplay, hard as it is at my 450 plus deaths after finishing the game, a tough as nails platformer that puts Hollow Knight to shame, that involves precise jumps, dashes, and bouncing off enemies and projectiles like mad.  

It's the story that will bring you to your knees, that will make you sob uncontrollably, and you think, ' maybe if I do something differently it won't make me cry'.  NOPE, the ending will bring you to tears.

This game is treacherous.  Downright evil.  Do not play this game without plenty of tissues!

...with that said I give it 4.5 stars out of five.  The only reason I don't give 5 out of 5 stars is because in the Definitive Edition, if you don't do the DE only part of the game you might be lagging behind in unlockable skills to better withstand the trails Ori faces.  I found it a little too difficult to be 100% fun at the end.  If you can withstand or even like hard platformers, buy this game immediately.

...No I will not spoil the story, not even the prologue.  But even that is heart-breaking.

It's Christmas, Carol! (Sadly not the movie, the Theater Play)

I went to Ashland recently, just the weekend from the 9th to the11th of this month in fact.  For those of you who have no idea what that is, Ashland is a small town in Oregon that has many theater groups in it.  It however denies it's a theater town, but anyway.  The point of this is I saw a play, and I'm going to review one of the two plays I saw.  This is "It's Christmas, Carol!"

What the...and this is only part of the image I cropped, people.

I should note that there's a hallmark movie of the same name, with a similar starting point but set in modern time.  Also as you might have guessed from the title, I would've preferred to watch that one.  This one is a Marx Brothers inspired version, with, as you might've guessed with Groucho there, them staring as characters, even if the original actors are long dead.

Anyway, this is also a musical.  The musical parts....weren't that bad actually, even if most of them had nothing to do with the plot and sometimes the lyrics were hard or impossible to understand.  The acting also was fine, with one exception, but we'll get there.  

One last thing: This is an exception to my usual 'No spoilers whatsoever' rule, as I will be talking about the plot in depth.  Why?  Because unlike my other reviews here, this is not something you can buy easily, you would need to be in a specific location, at a specific time, to see this.  

The play starts with a narrator talking about what The Christmas Carol story will be, if the major players were woman instead of men.  Hey, that's not a bad idea.  The titular Carol Scrooge is a noble woman who actually loves Christmas just fine.  But she only does actions that benefit her some how or stroke her vanity.  So her best friend in life, who got her hitched with a rich husband, comes back from the dead to warn her that her actions will earn her eternal damnation.  

But that's about as far as it gets, because the first ghost to arrive is in fact Groucho Marx.  And so the Marx brothers invade the play, with no regard to the story.  Hey, that's not a bad idea.

Of course there's wit and humor around, and it's mostly very good, but unfortunately most of the jokes or gags are used too much or go on too long.  

Anyway, Groucho completely derails the plot until he's given a time machine to go travel in time with.  Hey, that's not a bad idea.  And then there's dinosaurs for some reason.  And later zombie future.  Don't ask question, please, wait until the end of this.

After the first act, the plot literally stops mattering because the narrator, who is a character, says "Screw it!" and just goes along with the Marx brothers running amok.  There is no plot after that, no follow through, and not even a thread of consistency.  

But dear god are there puns, and bad puns are my jam.  I loved every terrible pun.  Seriously, I was practically raised on the Muppets and Monty Python.  I can't get enough of them.

Anyway, this is also a musical, and most musical numbers aren't that bad, even if they're obvious parody's of Christmas songs.  But the last one was just "What's it to ya" as a parody of "Hallelujah".  And it made no sense and I couldn't understand the lyrics and was just confused over how the play didn't have an ending, but just stopped with no resolution whatsoever.

Now that I (badly) talked about the play, I will say there are four major problems in it.  As I said before, one is reusing or going on too long with the same joke.  Second is the lack of a plot or any consistency at all.  Third is that while the acting was great, the actor playing Harpo had the stupidest expression on his face.  I mean, I watched the Marx Brother films at age of Too Young to understand, so Harpo was my favorite character because of all the physical gags, but his expression was usually normal or varied, not constant one of "I just got a lobotomy."  

The fourth and final major problem is that there are actually several ideas here that could work as a full play.  Female main characters for Christmas Carol?  Great!  Time machine for time shenanigans in the Christmas carol?  Awesome!  The Marx brothers crashing a play?  Brilliant!  But combine these three together, and even more I didn't mention, and you just get a confusing mess.

So the too long, didn't read version is basically just...everything was good, but the script wasn't.  I give this 2.5 stars out of 5.  Why?  Because I enjoyed it and don't regret seeing it, but I wouldn't see it again.

Anyway, see you all, next time.

The Rise and Fall of the Dinosaurs

I reviewed this book awhile back, when the COVID pandemic was just in its first year.  It's an old one, but without further ado, enjoy these words.

What the-A book review?  I read books?!  When did this happen?!  I don't read anything that isn't related to video games, obviously.  Besides, nowadays I read primarily non-fiction.

...Wait, it's about dinosaurs and is non-fiction?  Well...I guess I can review it then...this is The Rise and Fall of the Dinosaurs: A new history of their Lost World by Steve Brusatte.

The front cover!  Look at the Dinosaurness!

 The cover arts good, and on my edition it claims it was a New York Times Bestseller...not that really means much, so was Twilight.  Anyway, to me I think the cover is the least important part of the book, but the words on the back, well, that's what draws you in really, at least, it does for me.

Holy crap, there's a lot of -words- back here.  Mostly other authors or organizations saying how awesome this book is.   There's also a brief blurb of the author, Steve Brusatte, who is a paleontologist at the university of Edinburgh, a graduate of the university of Chicago and Columbia, and has named fifteen new species and led pioneering field work through the world.  That's...about it, except that he would also really like you to to buy his book, but that goes without saying. 

Anyway, while the about the author blurb barely exists compared to most books I've read, the amount of people saying 'this is a good book' is astounding. The words actually describing the book also drew me in, basically saying that 'The things you learned about dinosaurs 20 years ago is now wrong and learn what people think they are now today by reading this book.' though it takes about three or four paragraphs to get that point across and in a much better way then I could've.  

I got this book as a birthday present after my mom and I stumbled across it in a shop a good...either a year ago before the pandemic really started or two years ago before that, I am unsure.  Either way, I mentioned I'd love it, left the store and forgot about it immediately.  My mother however bought it for my coming up birthday, and I read it soon after I got it.  So I'm going off memory here a lot of the time.  But I really wanted to review something and since I'm -apparently- allergic to finishing anything, I decided to review this book.

 The book starts with the Triassic period, when dinosaurs first appeared, all the way to their end and even beyond it a little.  During this book, the author talks about the proto-dinosaurs, their rivals as it were, the sauropods in the Jurassic, the tyrannosaurs in the Cretaceous , and even T. Rex, of course.  

They cover dinosaurs all over the globe, from Europe to the Americas to Africa.  Not much is said about Antarctica because, well, yeah.  It's not exactly easy to dig for fossils in frozen soil, even if it had more habitable conditions millions of years ago. 

They cover new techniques used in fossil finding and data gathering, mostly dealing with computers but said in layman terms enough that the uninitiated into dinosaurs can understand.  Honestly, I was surprised how good this book was.  I loved it, and it's easy to understand for me, at least.   

Easy to understand, gives what it says it will on the lid, and an enjoyable read filled with interesting real life people and dinos, I give this book a 4 stars out of five.  I feel slightly guilty with this, it might deserve a 4.5, but, eh. 

Anyway, that's it for now, stay safe peeps!

Monster Hunter: World

Finally!  How long have I been meaning to do a Monster Hunter Game review?  Since at least when I saw the Monster hunter live action film.  Anyway, this is Monster Hunter: World

There be dragons here.

Monster Hunter is a series of games that instead of labeling them one two three, they label them in generations.  It's...not something I really get, but World was the first Fifth generation game, and there's way more then five games. 

Anyway, Monster Hunter World has a more complicated premise then other games of the series, which is usually "You're the hunter of a small village, go fourth and hunt monsters".  Instead, the idea is that some Elder Dragons, massively powerful monsters, are making a migration from the Old World to a new landmass known simply as the New World.  The Hunters Guild investigates by following the elder dragons there, and you are part of the Fifth fleet to do this.  

The story kinda...stops mattering after that, really.  I mean it's still going on in the background, but who plays a Monster Hunter game for the story?     

I've been playing Monster Hunter games since Tri Ultimate, which was a third generation game, then played all the world wide released games after that.  if you're curious, look up the Monster Hunter wiki and scroll down to releases, but I won't list the games here.

Anyway, you start off, after the amazing opening sequence and small 'tutorial' phase, picking your weapon in a training ground area.  There are 14 weapons which are available in World, from your basics such as bow and arrow, dual swords, sword and shield, or Greatsword, to the more extreme and weirder weapons like insect glaive, switch axe, gunlance, and the bowguns.  There are three types of basic non elemental damage in Monster hunter, piercing, (made by bullets and arrows), blunt, (hammer like weapons) and slashing(swords and blades).  They do different damage to different parts of the monsters.  for example, a wing on a monster is susceptible to piercing, but not the other two, a monsters head or crest is hurt extra by blunt damage, or its legs more to slashing.  On top of this, you can damage different parts of the monster that affect how they attack or even move sometimes.

Once you pick your weapon, you hunt big monsters.  There are usually three on any of the large open roam-able maps in World, and no more then three.  It might sound crowded, but these maps are BIG for monster hunter games, the largest at the time, I think they're surpassed by Rises, the newest monster hunter game as of this writing, but they're still big.  My only complain is that in World the monsters that roam are usually much higher, we'll go with 'level' or difficulty, then the starting player character.  So quick tip, Don't fight anything you haven't fought before or the quest you picked up tells you to fight.

Once you fight a monster, you get its parts as a reward which you can craft into armor at the hub city zone, Astera.  You get more cooking ingredients to gain a boost to hunting powers during hunts, unlock places that grow plants or insects so you don't have to constantly harvest things on quests, among other different services, all unlocked as you progress through the story missions.

Monster hunter is split into two or three different levels, in the base game of World, just two, Low rank and High rank.  As you might expect, High rank is harder, and unlocked after you finish the story in Low Rank.  I might as well add that difficulty wise Monster hunter World was fairly easy for me up until the end boss fight in High Rank.

One thing I almost forgot to mention, you can bring on special hunting partners, who you can equip with gadgets that modify what support behavior or abilities they have!  What are these hunting partners?  fellow hunters?  Don't be so droll, no, they're cats!  Palicos! ...yeah get ready for unending cat puns.

Look at his little goggles...!

I give this game a solid 4.5 out of 5 stars.  I'll admit, if I was a new player to Monster Hunter, I would not give this such a high score, since it is a difficult game to get into blind.  But since I've been playing  for awhile, and it filled in my dream of a PC monster hunter game, I loved it.  Compared to monster hunter games in the past, it's a major improvement in almost all areas, even if there weren't a lot of monsters in the base game, but they were all enjoyable to fight, and the maps, including one of my favorite thematic maps in Monster Hunter history, are all great to explore.

I will add that Iceborune, the only expansion to World, is a similar yet also somehow vastly different experience.  It adds the Master Rank, an even harder rank for all old monsters and new, which is difficult enough I called on my online friends to help several times.  If your not good at monster hunting, like me, then, you really need to up your game by learning all the tricks in this game to damage and survive monsters.  But I give Icebourne 4 out of 5 stars.  The only reason it doesn't get the base games rating is because I feel like after awhile your gear plateaus while monster skill and strength keeps growing.  So, yes, I never finished it...

Anyway, see you all next time.

Muppet's Haunted Mansion

This is another old review I never posted.  About a year, so this was seen last Halloween.  Or  was it two years ago...eh, times a weird soup.  anyone, onward!

Why do I do this to myself.  it's a cheaply made Disney movie.  Are muppets really that important to me? to go through this?

The answer is yes, this is Muppet's Haunted Mansion, a Halloween special based off...the Disney amusement park ride.  Why.

*Sobbing noises*

Found on Disney+, Disney's new online streaming service, I actually saw an ad for this on youtube, and was happy just to see the Muppets again. 

I love the muppets.  I first started watching the muppet show as a kid, (from DVD's or VCR tapes, no, I'm not that old.) and have grown extremely fond of these characters.  I'll admit they're....extremely strange entertainment, especially since these were meant for adults as well as kids.  

Anyway, the premise behind this special is that Gonzo and Pepe le Prawn go to the titular Haunted Mansion on halloween to stay one night in it, with Gonzo knowing full well it's haunted, but he...forgot to inform pepe for some reason.  It's also the place where the great magician...The great...Look, he's called Macguffin the Great and they're looking for him, okay?  I hope I don't need to explain why I cringe whenever I hear that name.

As much as I love the muppets, I do question why pepe is the second main character here.  He's a mild to moderate lech, and that's about it.  Can you imagine if Rizzo the Rat was in this special?  Where is he Disney?  WHERE IS HE!?

...Anyway, the film has musical numbers in it, including a variation of grim grinning ghosts.  The...songs aren't great, in either performance or writing.  But they're...not...okay they are bad.  A few are okay.  

There's also -a lot- of guest starts in this, but most are in it for just one scene or even just one line.  The main one is the Host who invited Gonzo over, played by the Canadian comedian Will Arnett.  Who, honestly, I enjoyed watching.  Maybe it's becuase his lines were the best, maybe it's because he had the best jokes, but I got the impression he enjoyed the role he was in.  I could be totally wrong though.

This film also tugs on nostalgia hard.  Ridiculously so.  every major and even minor muppet is included, even if just for a few seconds, and they even make a ghost version of the muppet show.  I...can't say I didn't enjoy this film but it made me think about the fact that Disney owns a huge amount of entertainment companys, and that with no competition, at least at there level, they don't need to compete.  Just watch star wars 4824, we're just selling to nostalgia now.  

Anyway, the film's writing is....not good.  at all.  I almost walked out several times due to how bad it was.  But it's 'barely adequate', so good enough.  If you like the Muppets, anyway.  I did, however, enjoy the moments where they broke the fourth wall, but I'm sucker for those kind of jokes.

I give this...a 2.5 stars out of five.  That's with the addition of Muppet appeal, so yeah.  I'd only see it if you really like the Muppets, and if you haven't seen them before....just watch the Muppet Christmas Carol.

Anyway, that's all for now, see you all, next time.

The Muppet Movie (1979)

I apologize for the four month gap, I like doing it once a month, but, sadly depression is hitting me over the head for the past four months and probably more.  Anyway, moving right along to the review!

I love the Muppets.  Yet somehow, when the 2011 Muppet movie came out, I never saw it.  No idea why I didn't, looking back now.  But I plan to fix that.  But first, I watched the first Muppet movie because...uh...well my mother forced me to.  But anyway!  Let's move right along, because this is the Muppet Movie, 1979!

This movie seems to have a lot of ham in it..

For those who have no idea who or what the muppets are, they are a creation of Jim Henson.  Muppets, both the word and the various characters, are combination of Marionettes and Puppets.  I would go more into the history of them but I know absolutely nothing.  So we'll move right along.

The movie starts off with the muppets...watching there own movie.  It's only going to get weirder from there, since the movie often references and makes fun of the fact it's a movie.  I don't want to spoil anything, but I will say the script of the movie they're currently in is used at one point.  

The muppets and rare human character, which are mostly cameo's of famous 1970 actors, are great.  Sure, the jokes are dumb, but it's dumb in a clever way.  

However, it's not just the jokes, the musical numbers are fantastic.  Written by the great Paul Williams, I've loved every single song not just in this film, but all that I've heard from Paul Williams.  I'll, admit I haven't heard LOTS of them, but, still.  He even makes a cameo in the film.  But moving right along

Jim Henson, was a mad genius.  He did not mess around.  I will say a small spoiler, there's a giant, building sized mupet at one point.  That is not a special effect.  That is a real giant muppet.  I'd like to believe they left it there in the desert but it was probably sadly dismantled. 

Anyway, the Muppet Movie is a great one for muppet lovers of all ages.  And Just a good movie to boot.  The songs are fantastic, the message inspirational, the acting and jokes awesome, and it's just so good.  I'm giving this 5 out of 5 stars.  Yep, my first 5 out of 5 for a movie, and second of all time.  

See you all, next time.  Also, for those who are curious why I said move right along all the time, this song from the Muppet film is why: