The Zombie Survival Guide

No pirate guide?

Zombies are one of those things that modern culture, or at least Americans, are obsessed about, like ninjas and pirates, or ninjazombiepirates.   Now, I don't get ninjas and pirates, because there simply criminals/spys in a different location, which somehow makes them more awesome.

But this is about the zombies.  Now, I think there awesome, because they don't show fear, pain, or anything that would cause them to back down.  That, is terrifying.  Of course, fast zombies have lost that frighting ability, but are actually dangerous, so I guess it's a fair trade.

Anyway, today I'm reviewing The Zombie Survival Guide.  Before I discuss it, this is meant as a serious fictional guide, unlike the majority, which is meant to be humorous.  Because of this, I will be strict on how realistic the facts are going to be.  So, lets see how we'll fair when zombies attack.

The book is meant as a prequel to World War Z, written by the same guy, and in a interview he said he did a lot of research in politics and history to see what different countrys would do against zombies.  Well, I hope for that books sake he didn't do the same for this book.

The book starts out with a short explanation of the Zombie virus and its history, called Solanum.  Solanum can only infect living humans, and in 20 hours, the subject will be dead, and in 23 hours, the person will be a zombie.  It can only infect through liquids, but it's extremely contagious, meaning an accidentally brushing of wound will cause the virus to spread, and, of course, there's no treatment for it, asides from a bullet in the brain pan, squish.

Solanum turns the brain into a independent organism, and no, it doesn't rip its way out of the skull, and move around eating people, as awesome as that sounds.  What I mean, is that it doesn't need oxygen, nutrients, or anything else to survive.  As such, any damage to the flesh will be ignored, only a shot to the brain will kill it.  Zombies have the same strength and senses as a human, but they don't need rest, so they can continue pulling on that steel bar until its pulled down.  In terms of senses, Solanum seems to unlock hidden capabilities seen only the blind.  Most humans depend on sight to get around, and hearing and smell is neglected.  For zombies, all of these senses are in constant use, meaning they have "better" hearing and smell then a human.  Of course, they feel no pain, are stupid enougth to shamble off a broken bridge if a human is on the other side and not learn from their mistake, and moves at one step every two seconds.  Zombies also don't hunt as groups, will be attracted by anything bright or loud, and will wander around until they find food.  One last thing: Solanum makes the zombie incredibly resilient to decomposition, meaning they fully decompose in three to five years, and animals refuse to eat them. 

Before I move on, I have to say this: Max Brooks knows what he's doing when he's talking about training, looking for telltale signs of a zombie outbreak in the news, and also his explanation for zombies in general.  However, as we go into weapons, this credibility will start circling the drain.

I think I'm going to sne-*BOOM

The weapon chapter starts out with a short account of a zombie attacked witnessed by a bunch of mercenarys.  They find 30 of these ghouls in the plains, and they open fire, not knowing to aim for the head.  One of them fires a rocket launcher and it goes... through...him.  Dude, some of these explosives are so sensitive that a feather will set them off, and even if this one isn't that sensitive, rotting flesh is quite a bit harder, not to mention larger surface area, then a feather.  Even if we ignore that, then it would hit a bone.  Not probably, it definitely would.

So, after that, Max gives you the 5 rules to obey with any weapon, and they are once again, well thought out and good.  However, he then says that you shouldn't use melee weapons, although you should always have one when something goes wrong.  Ok, while the danger of being infected is greater the closer you are, the most common method is getting bitten, and all other ways can be greatly reduced or removed by wearing gloves, and making sure all parts of your body is covered.  Also, if the average zombie moves at most a quarter the walking speed of a human, and can barely climb a ladder, you could probably just lean backwards to avoid their punches.  So, really, close combat wouldn't be that dangerous.  Hell, it might be easier to kill a zombies that way, considering skulls can actually block bullets, albeit in rare cases.

With that out of the way, the rest of the melee weapons is unfortunately small.  There separated into blunt and edged weapons, which means each weapon only gets one sentence.  The blunt weapon section is the most accurate, but the edged weapon is where it becomes obvious he didn't do much research.  It goes pretty well until he starts talking about swords.  He discounts short swords altogether, because of there lack of reach and also lack of accuracy and swinging power, but two paragraphs later, is saying that the roman gladius is a good weapon, along with a machete.  Oh, and he also says the Katana is the best two handed sword to have.  Ok, first off, the gladius is made for stabbing things.  If you want to decapitate something, get a better sword.  Also, the Japanese don't have any materiel to make...anything, so if you do have a katana, it will probably shatter after prolonged use.  I can think of a better anti-zombie weapons...

Anyway, onto the  ranged weapons, crossbows and stuff.  Meh, no real complaints here.

Now onto the guns.  And WOW, did this guy know nothing about them.  First off, he has a little obsession about them.  He goes into every type of gun you might run across, including assault rifles, machine guns, submachine guns, pistols, .22 calibers, and rifles.  Although he discounts weapons with autofire, which is a smart move, he doesn't include bullet size.  larger bullets have bigger inertia, meaning they can pierce the skull easier, while they also are affected by wind and air resistance more.  He should have went into that, and talked about which bullet caliber would be best to use.  for example, a .22 caliber would only pierce the skull when shot dead on, like if your facing a zombie, it only pierce if you shot the center forehead.  Oh yeah, and he's talking about pistols, he says ignore them, not for there shorter range, less accuracy, or lack of stopping power, but because when you hold one in one hand, it's less accurate.  Well, in that case, HOLD IT WITH BOTH HANDS.  Also, the first rule is obey the legal system, basically don't choose illegal weapons, no matter what.  Well, in some countrys, pistols are the only legal gun someone can have.  Oh yeah, and he also claims that silencers make a gun almost impossible to hear.  That's not true, all they do is remove/lessen the sound of the gas being released, the bullet being launched and hitting a target is still around.

oh, I love this section.  Here he talks about what type of armor is good against zombies, and he claims there's only one: tight clothes and short hair, so zombies don't grab you.  Yes, we have armor that can stop assault rifle rounds, but to stop the strength of the human jaw, something which can't even break through bone, and that is where technology stops!  Seriously, just wear some Kevlar plating, which he lists, and he claims it can stop knife blades and guard dogs, but his says you shouldn't wear it because...because...it might actually keep you alive?

After that... Well, asides from the fact that he believes bullets can explode fuel tanks, It actually gives good advice.  From defending your home, to finding a new base, to surviving in a undead world, Max gives some well thought out strategys, mainly focusing around planning things out.

At least until the end, when he starts listing zombie outbreaks throughout history.  It contradicts alot of things he said, like someone killing 12 zombies in a mere minute with a cavalry sword, on his horse, and sometimes zombies move alot faster then they should, and in some occasions can climb, which something that no zombie should do, or at least do it well.

Basiclly, the stupidity this guy tells you about any sort of item is astounding for a professional zombie survival guide, but everything else is well thought out, which makes it even more annoying.  Only if your a real zombie nut will you want to pay the full price for it.